I have always been a good student, even when I went through my ‘rebellious’ years in high school. A’s and B’s were never out of reach for me, until I began university. I will never forget my first C and how my efforts to correct the grade into something I was more familiar with ended up resulting in a D… the opposite of what I was working so hard for. I remember feeling completely alone with my shame and embarrassment because not only had receiving a low grade completely blindsided me, but I also had not idea what to do about it. I did not ever reach out to my professor (and looking back, he did not reach out to me either), I did not speak with friends or family about it, instead I went into the final exam with 55% overall for the course and prayed to whatever higher power is out there to just give me what I needed on this final to allow me to pass the course. And, while I did end up passing (with a mere 51%) I still to this day wish I had been able to better correct grade level trajectory. Now, looking back at my experience through an educator lens I realize that this almost fail of mine was a result of many factors, not just because I didn’t have a knack for Anthropology. I was so ingrained throughout high school that A’s and B’s were my standard, and that simply showing up and handing in the assignments was enough for me to maintain said standard. I also wish that my professor had noticed my low grade and approached me, especially because it was a first-year course, and the room was filled with 18-year-old students straight out of high school. I had no idea what I was doing wrong or how to fix it and it left me with an overall sense of failure throughout the course of my university career. Now, learning about assessment has me wondering many things: How can I best prepare my elementary-aged students for high school? For university? How can I ensure that they do not feel the effects of ‘failure’ in the same way I did? How can I teach my struggling students to self-correct with confidence and ease, ultimately teaching them necessary life skills for potential future less-forgiving teachers or professors? So far, although we are not even two weeks into the semester, through reading Regie Routman’s Literacy Essentials: Engagement, Excellence, and Equity for All Learners for EDUC 397 and Katie White’s Softening the Edges, we can build our students’ confidence by helping them learn and grow as opposed to constantly providing summative assessment and a “you get what you get” mindset. The methods proposed in both above listed texts are astounding to me because they are so opposite to what my own experiences reflect, and they are everything I wish to have had. I have decided this year to set intentions founded in confidence, honesty, and strength and I hope to be able to carry that motivation with me into my future practicums, especially when it comes to assessment. By softening the edges of assessment (thank you, Katie White!!) I hope to not only encourage my students to be strong, confident, and honest with themselves, but I am also hoping for the strength to be honest with the students. Honesty is one aspect of assessment that I am anxious about because I am concerned about making my future students feel the way I did in my first year of university: alone, confused, worthless. However, I understand that the only way that a student can improve is to know exactly what to work on and how; all that being said, the fact that I already feel much more confident in my abilities to assess and I have not even begun to scratch the surface eases my fears, and my 2021 intentions will give me the strength to continue to learn, so that I can teach, so that I can learn.
Learning to Teach. Teaching to Learn.